Staying Restorative

Articles and other resources on self care for restorative practitioners and advocates.

What to do when you've made someone angry

from the entry by Peter Bregman for Harvard Business Review Blog Network: Several weeks later, when I was describing the situation to a friend of mine, Ken Hardy, a professor of family therapy, he smiled. "You made a classic mistake," he told me. "Me? I made the mistake?" I was only half joking. "Yes. And you just made it again," he said. "You're stuck in your perspective: You didn't mean to be late. But that's not the point. The point is that you were late. The point — and what's important in your communication — is how your lateness impacted Eleanor."

Corktown restorative justice: Community wholeness

from the website of Restorative Justice Group & Center: The Corktown restorative justice group was initiated following the October 2010 beating of one homeless member of the Corktown community by a resident member. Charges were brought in that case and a trial in that case is anticipated by year’s end. But in the wake of the incident, concerned that this represented a pattern of violence and harassment against street folks, some 40 people gathered to explore alternative forms of community justice. Since that time a number of things have been accomplished: ….9) Guests at Manna Meal developed a Kitchen and Street Code for posting and circulation among themselves.

Doing restorative justice delicately, deliberately and with dedication

from Kris Miner's post on Restorative Justice and Circles: ….The things we explore bring us back to key concepts, best practice, ethical efforts. As practitioners of Restorative Justice, I think being delicate, deliberate and dedicated as I have experienced Kay, and tried to be myself, is helpful. Being delicate. Holding offenders accountable, while holding and creating a strong relationships. Relationships, respect, responsiblity the key pillars of Restorative Justice, can’t me created with force. Check out this link, at 2:30, the segment is promoting OWN Chalkboard Wars. I love how Gayle King puts it “if kids don’t think you care, they don’t care what you think”. Circles are the most powerful and effective ways to show kids you care, and to teach kids a way to care about each other.

Your grace with sorrow informs your restorative justice approach

from the entry by Kris Miner on Restorative Justice and Circles: ....The type of “informed” work that influences practitioners, the topic of this blog, comes down to the way we carry our own sorrow. I think this impacts the manner and approach with we use with victims, offenders, and community members. From the range of simple to extremely complex cases, our own sorrows (and the grace of which we carry sorrow) comes along to our facilitation experiences. The experiences we have a facilitator also inform our ability to carry sorrow with grace. At a meeting of severe crime and violence victim-offender dialogue facilitator, after staffing a facilitator briefly reflected “it is like holding two spirits in your hands”. I later affirmed her approach, and respect the deep grace she does her work. Severe crime cases transform you as an individual, you walk along side people, hear deep suffering. This article about Healing Burnout, focused on Mindfulness Communication, which includes discussing “being with suffering”. This way of being with suffering, when you facilitate a process of severe crime, can cause to you need deep self-care, in order to avoid or address burnout. How we handle these as practitioners informs how we facilitate and handle further cases.

The broken family

from the article by Jeffrey Krivis on Kluwer Mediation: ....Much has been written about the sociopathic behavior of child molesters, particularly if they are adults who molest their own children. Society has been plagued by such behavior both in the family and in the church. When this type of behavior surfaces in a sleepy agricultural town whose family values embody the very essence of its people, the alleged perpetrators are never able to regain their reputation. People begin to look over their shoulders and question whether their neighbors are who they think they are. The concepts of trust and faith are rocked to the bone. This is why few crimes carry as much social disgrace as child molestation. Most people would rather be accused of armed robbery.

I agree

I also am curious about how the facilitator processes the emotion that they experience. I become invested in a solution and the participants should not [...]

Considering consequences

by Lynette Parker I enjoy restorative conferencing. I've been awed by the way people share their hearts and address the harms they've caused or experienced. While not everyone will go into a conference, I like offering an opportunity. I've learned that I can serve just by listening to stories when people aren't interested in the conference process. They are interested in someone who will listen to them.

Considering consequences

by Lynette Parker I enjoy restorative conferencing. I've been awed by the way people share their hearts and address the harms they've caused or experienced. While not everyone will go into a conference, I like offering an opportunity. I've learned that I can serve just by listening to stories when people aren't interested in the conference process. They are interested in someone who will listen to them.

Can I cry?

by Lynette Parker I have a confession to make. I cry at the drop of a hat. Movies, television shows, commercials, stories – it doesn’t matter. I can be in tears in 0.2 seconds. So, it may be a surprise to folks that know me to learn that I don’t cry when I’m facilitating. I’m tempted at times, but I haven’t actually shed tears during a conference. I’ve been thinking about this recently after a training event in Panama where several Prison Fellowship leaders were talking about facilitating the Sycamore Tree Project®. The training had been intense with personal stories and a lot of tears. In the middle of all the sharing, one of the leaders asked if it was okay for the facilitator to cry.

Remorse is a tough topic

Caroline, Thank you for your comments. Remorse isn't an easy topic for facilitators. I know it is an important part of the restorative process and [...]

I'm not into remorse

I found your article very interesting- I also often struggle as a trainer and faciliatator of restortaive approaches when people ask if its ok for [...]

remorse and restorative process

Michael, Thank you for your comments. In my experiences as a restorative conferencing facilitator, I've seen victims challenge offenders on a lack of remorse or [...]

remorse

As a facilitator with the Sycamore Tree Project (where vicims and offenders are not related through the crime)the impact of having an offender who does [...]

justice and understanding

Dear Anne, Thank you for your comments. Your questions are good ones and point to why restorative processes are useful. The context of the dialogue [...]

"woman must wear idot sign"

Thank you for your article. In my opinion without understanding, there can be no true justice. Ms. Parker, I would add some further questions to [...]

I’m not into remorse

by Lynette Parker Lots of people will ask me about offenders feeling remorse when they go through a restorative conference. Trainee facilitators will ask whether or not I thought a client showed remorse during a pre-conference. People curious about the process will ask if those who have committed crime actually show remorse. The most difficult conversations occur when I talk to a victim of crime about participating. They may ask if the offender has shown remorse in my meetings with him/her.

Justice? What about understanding?

by Lynette Parker Scrolling through RSS feeds I saw a link for, “After driving on sidewalk to pass school bus, woman must wear ‘idiot’ sign.” I admit clicking the link to see what it was about. The first line quotes someone as declaring, “Justice has been served!” before going into how a woman had driven on a sidewalk to get around a parked school bus with children on it. The penalty was to stand near the scene of the incident wearing a sign that says, “Only an idiot would drive on the sidewalk to avoid the school bus.” She will also pay a $250 fine.

A need to talk

by Lynette Parker “He never talked to us and we were friends.” I recently heard this statement several times from a couple whose teenage son was killed in a vehicular accident. The “he” they referred to was the driver of the vehicle who had been their neighbour at the time. Throughout the hour long preconference, they continually repeated their hurt and disappointment that the offender had not offered condolences or talked to them since the accident. That lack of communication just seemed to weigh on this couple as they struggled with their grief.

Center for Restorative Activism

from the "Principles" page of Scott Brown's website: Here are some basic principles that help to frame what restorative activism is about: The historical moment calls on us to identify and focus on root causes. I believe the historical moment boils down to a choice between continuation with the life-denying worldview based on separateness, and a life affirming worldview based on the direct experience of interrelatedness. The belief in separateness can be singled out as a root cause of the crises we face and this shows us what we are really up against.

I want justice for conflict victims in Kenya

from the article by Tecla Namachnija in Eve Woman Magazine: My experiences with people who had suffered as a result of conflict motivated me to go for the TJRC job. The conditions they faced were so harsh that I suffered secondary trauma at some point because I internalised the pain and suffering of the internally displaced persons (IDPs) and refugees I interacted with. Having trained in restorative justice in the US and through my experience at the community level, I realised that the line between the victim and perpetrator is so blurred that only restorative justice could work.